I waited until the very last day of #nicuawarenessmonth to share our reason for bringing awareness to NICU parents, nurses, doctors and children. I went back and forth in my mind. Should I share his/our story or should I not. This time in our lives was hard on my husband and me. It still brings tears to my eyes even thinking about it let alone talking about it, but I need to tell his story because what I learned during that time may help someone else walking down the same path I was.
Here we go! Here is our sons NICU story. A part of our story that was our most difficult but how it changed our lives forever.
We got pregnant with our second child Kobe fairly quickly. We were excited to grow our little family and give our first born a little sibling. Everything in the beginning was going really well. In my previous pregnancy I had preeclampsia so that was a concern and I have O negative blood so I would need shots during and possibly after pregnancy but that was it and we were excitedly awaiting the arrival of our sweet boy. For about a month before I gave birth, I began bleeding and having terrible pain. My doctor thought I had a UTI, so she gave me medicine to help. I continued to bleed and in the course of a month I was in and out of different hospitals crying out that something was wrong. Nobody listened to me not even my doctor. I finally ended up at a hospital that could take care of my baby. They gave me an ultrasound and said, "We can see his head and he is coming". They admitted me and put me on steroids right away. They were able to keep him in a little under a week and I gave birth at 28 weeks to a handsome 3lb 4 oz baby boy. He gave out the smallest cry and the doctors were so amazed, and they exclaimed "He is breathing, a little" because they expected him to not be breathing at all. All the doctors and nurses hoovered over my son as all these tubes were put on him to help him have the best chance to live. All I remember was that he was so tiny in this huge incubator. They told me to say goodbye. My husband kissed me, and a part of my heart was wheeled out the door. The doctor and nurses were talking to me, but I don't even remember what they said because tears were streaming down my face and they I fell asleep. I woke up in the recovery room. My mom and husband were there waiting for me to wake up. The nurse came over and told me that Kobe was doing very well and if I wanted to go see him, I had to take a poop and go pee. I remember laughing and told her I could do that, and it took me a little bit because I was scared to after pushing out my baby. I was determined though, and I finally did what the nurse asked of me. They got me in a wheelchair and wheeled me down the longest hallway. We finally arrived and I saw him and instantly started crying, again. It was so hard seeing him and being told that you probably won't be able to hold your baby right away. I asked if I could hold him anyway and they actually let me. After getting all the wires situated, they placed his tiny body in my arms. When babies are born, they drop weight, so he was now under 3 lbs. All I knew to do was comfort and cry. They couldn't find a vein on his arm to put the IV into, so they had to put it in his head which caused horrible bruising and headaches for him. He whimpered the whole time that was in his head. After 24 hours they were able to take it out and he was just on oxygen and a feeding tube. At first, he had to be on preemie formula. My milk didn't come in until a couple days after he was born because a womans body goes through so much when they give birth prematurely that it still thinks that your baby is inside. Finally, my body realized that Kobe was born, and my milk came in strong. I was a milking machine. Pumping was the only thing I could do for him that would help him. They did lots of tests on him to make sure there was no medical conditions or surgeries that needed to be done. Thank the Lord all he needed to do was grow, learn to suck swallow and breath all together. Within the second week the nurses and I started working with him to breast feed. Some nurses were not hopeful, but I would tell them that I wanted to help him to learn so I demanded that I get a lactation consultant to come in and help me every day with him. Every morning we would practice and by the time he was able to go home he was breastfeeding very well. We were there for 6 weeks. We lived so far away from the hospital that we qualified for the "Ronald McDonald house" and I stayed there while my husband went to work and came up for the weekends with our daughter.
All alone I learned some things though. I learned that God wanted to listen to me. In all honesty I lashed out at him, and I asked "Why" more than once during that time. Do you know what he said to me? He said, "CONTINUE TO TALK TO ME AND OPEN YOUR WORD". God heard me and he continued to comfort and guide me during those long days and weeks. When I cried out, he would continually say "Talk to me more, I am here" I learned a lot about him in those 6 weeks than I did in my whole life. I thought I had arrived at my faith, but I really saw what God meant when he said in his word that he can use a mustard seed of faith in Matthew 17:20. Miracles happened all around us in the NICU. I got to meet other parents and hear their stories. I produced so much milk that I was able to give my beautiful milk to my newborn nephew and another baby in the NICU. That was 3 babies. When I was at my weakest, God was strong for me through all of it. When I doubted his will for my life, he continued to guide, comfort me, and tell me to talk it out with him. To never give up speaking to him. When all I could do was cry, he said that was good. He knew what was in my heart. I would never want my son to be in the NICU again, but I will say this. I am so glad that we went through this season. It drew us closer to a God who cares deeply for his children, and I am forever grateful for that.
If you're in a hard season. Reach out to God and talk to him. Tell him if your mad and if your doubting things in this life. I guarantee he will be there to guide and hold you in the midst of your pain just like he did with my son and our family.
God bless you all and I hope this encourages you.
Cupsofgraces
Comments